It is days like today that I am so glad that I have my personal trainer. It was a blah rainy day...off and on showers since the morning. I woke up this morning with the absolute worst cramps and a headache that felt like listening to my own thoughts was too much. I considered staying in bed, using a vacation day, and sleeping the day away in the dark...But, being the kind of person I am, I got up, got dressed, got Cristian ready for school and off to school, dialed into work and chugged away.
Now, if I was still on my "get healthy/get fit journey" on my own there is no way I would have gotten off my butt and still trekked out and "worked out". I would have gotten off work, declared the day a loss, gave myself permission to go to bed and be miserable because I made it through the work day, so it was the least I could do for myself. Hell, I can do the "workout" thing tomorrow. I'm glad that it wasn't entirely up to me because instead of putting off one of the most important things in my day, I got my butt out in the rain and did my 60 minute boot camp class with my padres and trainer :)
Today was leg & cardio day. It was lightly raining and cold but honestly it felt good. I will take cold over hot any day of the week. I have decided that I really *dislike* sumo squats. They aren't so bad...until you do them one after the other for a straight minute and then hit about your 3rd circuit...that's the moment where they go from not so bad to just plain suck. But, they are good for the thighs so I guess I can't complain too much. I don't know what it is but running in the tennis courts is SO much easier for me than running in the park around the soccer fields. Maybe it is the ground itself that is easier on my knee and joints or the false perception of the space being small...I don't know...I just know that I don't feel half dead running in there after 90 seconds like I do in the fields.
Today we did sumo squats, side squats, lunges, calf raises, heel walks, cat & mouse, squat shuffles, grapevines...oh man, what a workout! Instead of feeling half dead after the workout this time I felt full of energy! I really love the group we have for boot camp. It is so much fun working out with Robin and Judy. Hopefully they feel like they are getting good things out of it because I know it makes me work my butt off for sure.
Got to visit with a friend today for about an hour as well. It was great to catch up. I am glad we have crossed paths again. It is nice to have some "real people" in my life.
I have accepted the fact that if I don't have someone to push me (like a personal trainer) I just won't push myself when I have a way "out" and I just hate that. Why does it feel like even though I make so much progress I still feel like I "fail". This morning I stepped on the scale for the first time in 4 weeks and I had lost a little over 4 pounds. I know I have lost inches because my shorts are now much bigger on the waist than they used to be...so why do I still feel so crummy about ME? I don't know....I just do. When I look in the mirror I don't see any piece of the person Lara sees or others see, not even a smidgen. I just see me...too much of the wrong things, not enough of the right things...and sometimes I can't stand how I see myself. My head knows all the jazz...one step at a time, take small steps - celebrate small successes, etc...but feeling it is another story.
I wonder if I will ever come to really think anything more of myself than just the fat ugly person that I see reflect back at me in the mirror....
Maybe tomorrow...
Cheers,
M E
Now, if I was still on my "get healthy/get fit journey" on my own there is no way I would have gotten off my butt and still trekked out and "worked out". I would have gotten off work, declared the day a loss, gave myself permission to go to bed and be miserable because I made it through the work day, so it was the least I could do for myself. Hell, I can do the "workout" thing tomorrow. I'm glad that it wasn't entirely up to me because instead of putting off one of the most important things in my day, I got my butt out in the rain and did my 60 minute boot camp class with my padres and trainer :)
Today was leg & cardio day. It was lightly raining and cold but honestly it felt good. I will take cold over hot any day of the week. I have decided that I really *dislike* sumo squats. They aren't so bad...until you do them one after the other for a straight minute and then hit about your 3rd circuit...that's the moment where they go from not so bad to just plain suck. But, they are good for the thighs so I guess I can't complain too much. I don't know what it is but running in the tennis courts is SO much easier for me than running in the park around the soccer fields. Maybe it is the ground itself that is easier on my knee and joints or the false perception of the space being small...I don't know...I just know that I don't feel half dead running in there after 90 seconds like I do in the fields.
Today we did sumo squats, side squats, lunges, calf raises, heel walks, cat & mouse, squat shuffles, grapevines...oh man, what a workout! Instead of feeling half dead after the workout this time I felt full of energy! I really love the group we have for boot camp. It is so much fun working out with Robin and Judy. Hopefully they feel like they are getting good things out of it because I know it makes me work my butt off for sure.
Got to visit with a friend today for about an hour as well. It was great to catch up. I am glad we have crossed paths again. It is nice to have some "real people" in my life.
I have accepted the fact that if I don't have someone to push me (like a personal trainer) I just won't push myself when I have a way "out" and I just hate that. Why does it feel like even though I make so much progress I still feel like I "fail". This morning I stepped on the scale for the first time in 4 weeks and I had lost a little over 4 pounds. I know I have lost inches because my shorts are now much bigger on the waist than they used to be...so why do I still feel so crummy about ME? I don't know....I just do. When I look in the mirror I don't see any piece of the person Lara sees or others see, not even a smidgen. I just see me...too much of the wrong things, not enough of the right things...and sometimes I can't stand how I see myself. My head knows all the jazz...one step at a time, take small steps - celebrate small successes, etc...but feeling it is another story.
I wonder if I will ever come to really think anything more of myself than just the fat ugly person that I see reflect back at me in the mirror....
Maybe tomorrow...
Cheers,
M E
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