There will come a time for everyone when they reach the point of "enough is enough". When they simply no longer have the energy to keep up the facade for the sake of peace. They will reach the end of their rope of tolerance and find themselves in a place where they must make hard decisions that will change their life in some capacity, the life of others, or both. For me, Saturday was definitely the end of that rope.
I have been with Lara for almost 14 years and I still cannot wrap my mind around how incredibly hurtful, selfish, self-absorbed, and prejudice her mother is. How do continuously reject and hurt your own child without any conscience at all? For the past 14 years I have been "invisible" to her. That's fine, I don't care. I could still put on a happy face and be the better person and treat her respectfully and with kindness because that is the person that I am. I have bit my tongue, turned the other cheek, forgave and moved forward, and given a million second chances for her to show some resemblance of true humanity. I tried to help salvage any kind of relationship she may have had with her daughter and given her every opportunity to have one with her grandson.
You cannot change people. You cannot control people. You can, however, control the impact and influence they have in your life. You can change your relationship with them. You can even remove them completely from your life and no longer subject yourself to their choices and negativity.
I have been down this path too many times and after the events of this weekend I will say that it will be the last time I make this trek. After listening to Lara's mother tell her that she is getting married to some wealthy ranch man that she met online in January which Lara had no knowledge of and how she is moving to Sterling, TX to live on the 40,000 acre ranch with his picture perfect "close" family I knew this was not going to end well. It didn't. She went on for over an hour and ended with how her husband to be knows that Lara is her daughter and that she has a son, Cristian, but that he doesn't know about me. He doesn't know she is gay. He thinks she is single and successful and raising him all by herself after she adopted him. Oh, let's not forget how torn up she was about how she just didn't know how he or his sons would take knowing about Lara and didn't know how to tell them, so she didn't. But, she doesn't stop there. No, of course not. She continues with wanting Lara to be at her wedding because it is a "family affair" but that I would not be invited and neither would Cristian unless he was sure not to say anything about having 2 moms, etc... After all, we are a secret, didn't you know? Just what would the high society of her new family think if she had a GAY daughter? We just can't have any of that...but she really "hopes" Lara will be there for her wedding because she loves her. I can't even dive into the rest of the evening because it would serve no purpose but only cause an upset. It is amazing to me how someone can love money, status, and image more than they can their own child. Is it that easy for some people to throw away any chance for a relationship with their child like you would toss away an old coat? The sad part? She doesn't even see that what she says or does is wrong or hurtful. She is completely oblivious to the pain she causes people with her prejudice, selfishness, and greed.
Those that know me well know the long history of this the last 14 years and know when I say "enough is enough" and I have had about all I can take and tolerate that I very well mean it. I wish her all the best in life and hope that she gets all she feels she deserves and wants. I don't wish any ill upon her. But, I will not continue to include her in my life nor my son's. Only toxic things come from toxic people and that is not what I choose to surround myself or my family with any longer. I'm done keeping the peace. I would rather keep my sanity. I absolutely refuse to stand by and watch Lara get hurt like this over and over again. She has had a very hard life and has overcome things most people will never have to face in their lives and it sickens me that the person that should love and cherish her does nothing but break her down and hurt her. There is only so much of that a person can take before there isn't much left of them at all..
We are all responsible for our choices and actions. Every action begins with a choice and every choice has a consequence. I only make choices I can live with and when "that day" comes for me then I have peace in knowing that I have no regrets in life. I hope that when Cristian grows up he grows into a strong, independent, self-confident, and compassionate person that even in the face of adversity and hate he can stay true to himself and bring something to the world each day that reminds us of what it means to be a "good person" and that people and their opinions do not define you - what you do in your life and how you treat others define you - your actions and choices define you. You can choose to be anything in life - greatness can be achieved simply by being imagined first.
Cheers,
M E
I have been with Lara for almost 14 years and I still cannot wrap my mind around how incredibly hurtful, selfish, self-absorbed, and prejudice her mother is. How do continuously reject and hurt your own child without any conscience at all? For the past 14 years I have been "invisible" to her. That's fine, I don't care. I could still put on a happy face and be the better person and treat her respectfully and with kindness because that is the person that I am. I have bit my tongue, turned the other cheek, forgave and moved forward, and given a million second chances for her to show some resemblance of true humanity. I tried to help salvage any kind of relationship she may have had with her daughter and given her every opportunity to have one with her grandson.
You cannot change people. You cannot control people. You can, however, control the impact and influence they have in your life. You can change your relationship with them. You can even remove them completely from your life and no longer subject yourself to their choices and negativity.
I have been down this path too many times and after the events of this weekend I will say that it will be the last time I make this trek. After listening to Lara's mother tell her that she is getting married to some wealthy ranch man that she met online in January which Lara had no knowledge of and how she is moving to Sterling, TX to live on the 40,000 acre ranch with his picture perfect "close" family I knew this was not going to end well. It didn't. She went on for over an hour and ended with how her husband to be knows that Lara is her daughter and that she has a son, Cristian, but that he doesn't know about me. He doesn't know she is gay. He thinks she is single and successful and raising him all by herself after she adopted him. Oh, let's not forget how torn up she was about how she just didn't know how he or his sons would take knowing about Lara and didn't know how to tell them, so she didn't. But, she doesn't stop there. No, of course not. She continues with wanting Lara to be at her wedding because it is a "family affair" but that I would not be invited and neither would Cristian unless he was sure not to say anything about having 2 moms, etc... After all, we are a secret, didn't you know? Just what would the high society of her new family think if she had a GAY daughter? We just can't have any of that...but she really "hopes" Lara will be there for her wedding because she loves her. I can't even dive into the rest of the evening because it would serve no purpose but only cause an upset. It is amazing to me how someone can love money, status, and image more than they can their own child. Is it that easy for some people to throw away any chance for a relationship with their child like you would toss away an old coat? The sad part? She doesn't even see that what she says or does is wrong or hurtful. She is completely oblivious to the pain she causes people with her prejudice, selfishness, and greed.
Those that know me well know the long history of this the last 14 years and know when I say "enough is enough" and I have had about all I can take and tolerate that I very well mean it. I wish her all the best in life and hope that she gets all she feels she deserves and wants. I don't wish any ill upon her. But, I will not continue to include her in my life nor my son's. Only toxic things come from toxic people and that is not what I choose to surround myself or my family with any longer. I'm done keeping the peace. I would rather keep my sanity. I absolutely refuse to stand by and watch Lara get hurt like this over and over again. She has had a very hard life and has overcome things most people will never have to face in their lives and it sickens me that the person that should love and cherish her does nothing but break her down and hurt her. There is only so much of that a person can take before there isn't much left of them at all..
We are all responsible for our choices and actions. Every action begins with a choice and every choice has a consequence. I only make choices I can live with and when "that day" comes for me then I have peace in knowing that I have no regrets in life. I hope that when Cristian grows up he grows into a strong, independent, self-confident, and compassionate person that even in the face of adversity and hate he can stay true to himself and bring something to the world each day that reminds us of what it means to be a "good person" and that people and their opinions do not define you - what you do in your life and how you treat others define you - your actions and choices define you. You can choose to be anything in life - greatness can be achieved simply by being imagined first.
Cheers,
M E
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